Montreal, the self-proclaimed party/culture city of Canada

We are writing this from a crappy little Internet cafe in Vancouver, having spent a pretty jam-packed week in Montreal, a beautiful metropolis in the officially French-speaking province of Quebec. Shayne was, addmittedly, terrified, having no French. Eva was depressed by how rusty her French was, even though she has a Modern Languages diploma in the language.

It was a four-hour train ride from Toronto. We got upgraded to a first-class carriage, even though we'd only paid for "comfort" (i.e. pleb) class. We're still not entirely sure how that happened, but it was nice to have more leg room for once, and not to be in a row with one other person. Oh the joy!

It was an absolute nightmare finding the damn subway (or Metro, as they call it, after the Parisian underground rail system), but thankfully, we had a Good Samaritan help us. One of many who we have encountered in Canada so far. People here are very friendly, and seem to really respond to the Aussie accent. And, of course, they can't resist asking about Steve Irwin.

Oh my god! No pictures yet! Well, let's rectify that with:



This place we stayed at for the first two nights was part of the Hostels International chain, and had lots of social activities organised, as well as special packages. We got the "Museum Package", which, among other things, entitled us to three days entry to any of 32 museums and attractions. Obviously, you'd need to be a frigging Superman to do them all. We managed 5 (well, 4 and a bit. We shall explain).

First, the Point-à-Callière, which is a museum displaying the archaeological site upon which it was built. The digs exposed the development of the area from original settlement in the 1500s, when the French colonised and later made a treaty with the indigenous inhabitants of the area, to the fortified city of Montreal, through to the present day. The new building, which is loosely modelled on the customs building originally built on the site (~1800s [we think]):



is the entrance to an underground network of some of the orginal streets of the city from earlier eras. Included in this network is the old sewer, which still faintly smells of human waste:



(obviously the background is not real). They've found a wealth of atrefacts from the different eras of the city by digging around in fossilised excrement (oh, to be an archaeologist). This is exemplified by the artefacts from latrines displayed in glass cases in the museum toilets.



You could see the old fortification walls and structures in the original settlement, giving an idea of just how cramped everything was, although you can't really see it from this picture:



we can't remember if this is a chimney, but there is definitely a pipe which led to a fountain, whose wall is on the left. You could see where they'd torn down and rebuilt over the years.



Here are some of the many objects they've dug up:







The next attraction we used our pass for was the Biodome (http://www.biodome.qc.ca/). Now this was something really special. It's pretty much a living museum, which recreates four different ecosystems of the Americas, as displayed here by Eva:





First stop: the tropics (green on the globe above) i.e. The Amazon rainforest (and yes, they recreate the climate accurately. Think muggy. Shayne was in heaven. Eva, not so much).





And there were animals! All together in their habitat, not like a zoo where they're segregated.



Some of our favourites were:



Tamarinds





Red Devil fish (the bigger the fatty-tissue lump, the more dominant it is. We reckon this guy's pretty high up there).





Macaws.



...but no sloth, despite signs promising them. Apparently they're still for so long that algae grow on their fur which makes them green, camouflaging them from predators. And our camera. Shayne was unimpressed by the lack of sloth.



Next, a Laurentian forest, (red) which is a cooler-clime habitat around the Great Lakes area of Canada (close to where we were at the time, actually).





Eva thought the sleeping otter was very cute, but it didn't come out in the photos. Shayne would like to point out that enclosing wall had a big danger sign on it, therefore he suspects that they're not so cuddly, really. Eva remains unconvinced.



Among other animals, there were porcupines which hid themselves very effectively. Ignore me. I'm not a porcupine. Nooo. I'm a...pincusion. Yes. That's right.





Can you spot the lynx?





From there, we "travelled" to the St. Lawrence marine environment, which was basically a massive fishtank with very cool (yet ugly) dogfish:



among other marine life. In the shallower waters, you could see animals like sea urchins, crabs, and corals. We need Kate to tell us exactly what the hell these things are, and the specific name of environment they inhabit. Eva had to restrain herself from poking the massive anenomes.





Surfacing from this underwater walkway, you could walk around "the shore" and see the bird life, and their nesting areas.



Our favourite bird was a little guy called a black guillemot, who we saw diving quite deep in the fish tank in search of prey, using his wings to swim really fast. We thought it was a weird fish at first...no picture, too damn quick.



Finally (white), the arctic zones. Where we saw arctic puffins:





and penguins of several varieties. Including a ridiculous specimen called the Macaroni penguin, and his cousin (?) the Rodckhopper penguin. Can you detect the imposter among the stately King penguins?





Close to the Biodome was the Insectarium, in the middle of the botanic gardens. As many of you know, Shayne doesn't like insects and arachnids. No, really. He hates them. Especially arachnids. Eva is very proud that Shayne managed to visit this den of Satan without screaming and running from the place, and, what's more, take close-up photos. Like this scorpion:







...and worse, this GODDAMN BIG TARANTULA!





There wasa special exhibit on insect cooperation (hives, ant colonies, termite mounds, etc). We learnt that didgeredoos are actually made from branches that have been hollowed out by termites.

And of course, there's the old camouflage trick.



After the Insectarium, we took a walk around a small portion of the Botanical Gardens. The gardens was the "bit" in the "four and a bit" attractions. You have to pay to get in (our passes covered it). We thought paying to get in was a bit rich - until we saw just how impressive (size and lanscaping) the gardens actually were. They included a huge Chinese garden:

...and a mammoth exhibition greenhouse.


Last, we used our passes to see the Planetarium. Unfortunately, Shayne forgot the camera. But it was nice to sit back, relax and see a show on the huge Planetarium dome about our solar system, the various controversies of classifying planets, and what to look for in the Northern hemisphere night sky, which was beautifully recreated. Hopefully we can see the actual thing on our Rockies tour, but that's another post...

As we mentioned earlier, the hostel we stayed at organised social outings. This city (in summer, anyway) seems to have one festival after another. What's more, they're free. So the first night, our hungover tour guide Chris, seen here "minding" Eva's handbag:

took us to Les Franco Folies de Montreal (Montreal French Music Festival).


We saw a funky fusion band called Collectivo (reggae, ska, samba, salsa, funk...yeah, everything), with lyrics in Spanish, French, and English. With sexy lead singers and an acoustic guitarist on stilts, who even walked through the crowd at one stage. And we thought we'd seen everything...


The next night we went on a pub crawl, led by Chris, even though we weren't at the hostel anymore (yeah, we're that cool that he invited us...ahem).

You all know how these things work - go to various places, get drunker, end with dancing. But we met some awesome people from around the world (and some good contacts for the future!):

Jamie (London), Chris (Montreal), Helen (Glasgow)...
and...

Josie (Montreal, actually the bartender from the first place we went to), John (Vancouver), and Sylvain and William (Paris). Eva would like to point out that although it was the end of the night, she was not particularly drunk, despite the unfortunate facial expression. Shayne made her include it.

Eva wanted to record this for posterity, as it doesn't happen very often these days: SHAYNE DANCED!


...and DANCED!!


He blames the beer.

Once we'd used our passes, our last two days were spent just wandering and taking in the sights, particularly of the Old City (where the original settlement/fortifications were). It feels like you're in Europe when you walk these streets.


The old town hall at night:


The old port, which now hosts a market (at least on the weekends) :


Central to the old city is a square which was a focal meeting place in the city even centuries ago. The days we were there it was a hive of activity, with market stalls, strange wildlife (ok, a balloon seller):


and street performers. Our favourite was a street magician who did the normal things like ring tricks, pouring water into newspaper and having it disappear, etc. But then, he did something we've never seen: swallowing razor blades. Maybe it's an old trick, but we were still...transfixed? Disgusted? Amazed? Yeah, all of those.

...and then he pulled them out on a string. And we know they were real because he cut cards with them as they emerged from this gullet...

On our last day we walked through a street in Old Montreal called Rue Saint-Paul, which is chock full of little art galleries. Some of our favourite pieces were:

A Brazilian artist called Hamilton Aguiar, who uses a gold-leafing technique, which makes for eye-catching lanscapes:

Unfortunately, well out of our price range.

And, HAPPY FATTIES!

We can't remember the name of the artist...this piece was called "Chocolate Ecstacy".

Shayne got acquainted with some of these ladies:


Finally, we had to indulge in a Quebecian "speciality." They're very proud of this dish, for some reason. They call it "poutine." When we saw the comedy show in Toronto, Craig Ferguson was ribbing the Quebecers, mainly the Montreal residents, whose anitpathy towards Toronto is legend. In his words: "And just what the f*** is 'poutine', anyway??" Well, we found out.

Chips made soggy by gravy, with cheese. Yes, this is the dish they're so proud of. And we actually suspect that this version was more gourmet than most, considering that at the same place we also had a dish of warm brie covered in pistachios, served with cranberry toast:


We realise we haven't done justice to our stay here. It really is an amazing city, and we would have loved to stay longer. Another trip in the future? We'd like to think so.

Next post: Vancouver and the Rockies!

The fair city of Toronto

Disclaimer - This is a loooooong post. (We are not exaggerating. Really.) Feel free to skim.

We have spent the last week or so exploring Toronto, the unofficial capital of Canada, and home to the largest free-standing building in the world (for now, anyway. Apparently there are plans for a larger edifice in Dubai. Go figure).

Here is a picture of the city skyline, including the above-mentioned structure, the CN Tower.


Our unofficial guide, our friend Ian (seen here looking more Aussie than most Aussies...)

- who Eva met a few years ago in Melbourne while he was on exchange, kindly showed us various places that he sees as quintessential Toronto, which allowed us to see parts of the city that tourists don't necessarily come across. But we also found the time to check out two more grand-scale attractions, the Royal Ontario Museum and the inaugural Just For Laughs Festival in Toronto (an extended version has been a fixture of the Montreal summer for many years now).

But first...

The Street Wandering
On the evening of Friday 20th July we visited Ian and went out to dinner near his house, at a restaurant in Little Italy, which was extremely reminiscent of Lygon Street, Carlton...not that you can really get a sense of the atmosphere from this photo:

...but anyway...Eva likes the boot and soccer ball backwards map "tastefully" rendered in sparkly lights...

Dinner was delicious. The only hiccup came when Eva tried to order a lemon squash. What she got was a portion of lemon to go with the water she already had (the waitress thought she'd said "lemon wedge"). After trying "Lift", "Solo", "Lemon soda?", she finally gave up and said, "Can I have a Coke, please???" Ian confessed that he'd had no idea what Eva was talking about either. Shayne kept his mouth shut.

From Little Italy we cut through a few suburban streets to get to another of Ian's favourite parts of town, Queen Street. We knew we were in a European enclave when we became aware that the neighbours were competing for the Most Tacky Front Yard trophy. Here is a strong contender, but by no means the winner:

An honourable mention went to a front yard with a miniature windmill...we would have taken a photo of the winning entry, which surpassed both of these beauties, but we had to do a runner after Shayne exclaimed colourfully about it, before realising that the owners were on the front porch. Oops.

Because it was nighttime and Shayne isn't worth a damn as a photographer, we failed to capture Queen Street on film, apart from this horrendous monstrosity, which is an example of the sort of architecture that is rapidly replacing the beautiful historic buildings of downtown Toronto.

Everywhere in the world, the yuppies with zero taste are taking over.

After we'd strolled for a couple of hours, we stopped off at a bar on the way back to Ian's. Here was the site of Eva's Next Drink Ordering Mishap. Shayne and Ian wisely stuck to beer and Strongbow. However, Eva, determined to get an alcoholic drink that she found drinkable, ordered a Vodka Sunrise. What she got was a Vodka...soda. Eva doesn't like soda water. Ian, chivalrous to the end, offered to take it off her hands. After admitting that he had also heard Eva say "vodka soda". Next, Eva decided to try ordering a Black Russian, after deliberately checking with Ian that this consisted of Kaluha, vodka, and coke. What he got was generous servings of Kaluha, vodka, and no coke. Two out of three ain't bad, we suppose. After Ian admitted that Ian hadn't been listening all that closely. It must be a female to male translation thing...

After a night on Ian's sofa bed, we set out for breakfast with Ian, on the way passing a plethora of grand old houses just like this one, which line the street Ian lives on:

Shayne is wishing he had the cash to buy one. As a scientist, he hasn't a hope in hell. As a teacher, Eva has even less of a chance.

Here is a bad shot of all of us (well, except Ian), just because it's the only one of the three of us together - please to be noting that Shayne was still sick, which explains his stoned look. Maybe.


Our next stop was Nathan Phillip Square, home to both the old and newer Toronto City Hall buildings, where Ian was playing a gig with his samba group. On the way we passed through two areas of the city which are both alive with culture and atmosphere in very different ways. The first was Kensington, a suburb which is somewhere in between Fitzroy and Footscray.

This picture sums up the attitude of many of the locals to cars:

Pedestrians and cyclists roam freely on the roads, taking their sweet time to get out of the way of the rare moving cars that dare to traverse the area.

It was a colourful, chaotic street scene. There was fresh produce everywhere, and it had a very "street bazaar" feel to it.


The photos don't really do justice to this place.

There's a project underway in Toronto aimed at "reclaiming" graffiti, which has resulted in a number of murals such as this one:

which, while not great artwork, is kind of cheery. This one marks the meeting of Kensington and Chinatown, which in no way resembles Melbourne's Chinatown. It is vast (we don't even know how many streets it covers), and there's a lot more than just yum-cha and other restaurants. It's actually more like Victoria Street in Richmond, where you get a real feeling of community and people actually living their daily lives in the place, rather than just visiting it.

Below are Ian and Eva in front of a sculpture which translate as "Gateway." We think.


Finally at Nathan Phillip Square, we let Ian join his samba group while we took a look around. That day was Youth Day, aimed at quashing youth violence through productive activities such as...dancing...and singing...and...well, you get the picture. Beside the square, Winston Churchill stood, looking suitably peeved at having a seagull perched atop his skull. And the mementos of birds past...apparently he loved Canada. If he'd known that his likeness was going to covered in bird crap one day, he might have revised that opinion...


The acts were extremely varied. Shayne bought a CD of a cool funk-prog band called Approaching Zero, then most of the crowd were sent to sleep by a quartet of talentless hacks doing obscure Springsteen covers (and they certainly weren't "youth"). However, the crowd was certainly woken up when the Anglican Archbishop of Toronto delivered a brief but powerful sermon on the triumph of overcoming youth violence:

...before ripping off his dog collar and delivering a rousing Elvis impersonation, as his alter-ego, "Elvis Priestly." God I love this city...


Next was Ian's samba band, Samba Elegua. Check out their website, http://www.sambaelegua.com/.

They played an energetic, rhythmic set, which had Eva dancing right along (joining in with others):


But Shayne must say that one of the highlights was a cock-rock band called Automotive.ca, seen below, with a Rob Zombie wannabe lead singer (although he looks like a stretched Papa Smurf in this photo):

and a cool little guy playing left-handed guitar in a really weird style which sounded awesome. Wish the same could be said for their lyrics, which included such gems as:

She's a: man-beater
Mistreater
I used to be smitten, but now I'm flea-bitten
Man-beater
Mistreater
I used to be smitten, now I'm livin' with Satan

Shayne wants their album.

On the way home, we stopped for a late lunch and Eva finally found a drink that she liked: Campari, soda, and orange juice. The OJ makes all the difference. See, she is happy:


Our next expedition into Toronto was to the...

Royal Ontario Museum
The old museum building has been added to with this eye-catching, modern structure, somewhat reminiscent of Federation Square in Melbourne, but much sleeker:


We visited the museum on Wednesday 25th July, and were admitted free-of-charge, courtesy of our good mate Ian, who has his fingers in eeeevery pie...actually, he just works there.

We were unable to cover the entire available collection in the four hours we spent there, and a large proportion of the collection has been stashed away due to ongoing renovations. We took heaps of photos, but have only included a select few.

So, without further ado...

Samurai armour:


This native Canadian totem spanned two floors, it was that massive:


This upright and outward-looking native Canadian baby carrier was designed specifically to encourage the tyke to take in and learn from its surroundings, rather than as an aid to sleep (and parental relief):


TRICERATOPS!!!

Apparently, an unusually high percentage of this Triceratops' skull is real fossilised bone, rather than reproduced.

Eva likes this metamorphic rock (and thinks Penny will too):


Eva made Shayne put on a stupid helmet and breastplate and look even more like a tourist:


In ancient Egypt, cows gave birth to other cows:
Wow.

The Egyptians mummified everything. Cats, birds, gazelles, you name it, they wrapped it.


Here's what mummified humans looked like before they perfected the practice:

It's a much simpler affair than in the dynastic era.

And finally, in the Classical section, an obligatory Aegean jug.


So that was our day at the ROM.

The following day we met up with Ian yet again (he must be getting sick of us by now) to explore...

Toronto Islands
or the islands, as they're known to the locals. These islands are separated from the mainland by a 15-20 minute ferry ride across part of the mammoth Lake Ontario (we were told that you could fit the entire nation of Holland into this lake).

As the following map (kind of) shows, the islands are actually composed of one long crescent adjoining a whole lot of little islands. The crescent is divided into three sections - Ward Island (residential mainly), Centre Island (mainly a touristy fun park) and the third whose name escapes us - but not the memories of the sights we saw. Oh no. We will explain.


We took a ferry to Ward Island, and on the way took yet another of the Toronto skyline. The smoke haze you can see apparently blows over on clear summer days from the States.


We walked around Ward Island, which was quite charming.


As we said, this part is largely residential, populated mainly by rich artists and retirees. As you imagine, property values are through the roof and the waiting list to live here is ridiculously long - and you have to pay a couple of hundred bucks a year to just remain on the list.

We made our way to one of the many beaches on the islands. Eva and Ian went for a swim, and it was freezing. You might not be able to see this, but poor Ian is grimacing. Look at the waterline.


Meanwhile, Shayne, who could not swim as he was still getting over his TRAVEL BUG OF DOOM^TM, spent his time skimming stones. This photo will join the suite of photos entitled Shayne Skims Stones Around The World. Those of you who travelled with us to New Zealand will know what we mean.


We thought we'd better get in a "couply" photo.


The island and its buildings are really quite picturesque. Even the Fire Station looks like the cottage where the witch tried to roast Hansel and Gretel. Kind of:


We walked to Centre Island and hired bikes to save our poor little legs. Shayne perfected the art of taking a photo on the back of a moving bicycle.


We stopped briefly at this lighthouse.

It was built in 1808, and it was one of the first of the Great Lakes lighthouses. Apparently the first lighthouse keeper went missing in 1815 when the islands were still pretty much deserted, and later a partial skeleton was found in the vicinity, contributing to its reputation of being haunted.

Next, the part you've all been waiting for - A NUDE BEACH! (Yes, we know we're immature).
Actually, its official designation is "Clothing Optional Beach." What it really means is fat, naked old people. And a few young people in varying states of undress.

This sign (which Shayne feels should be prefaced with: "For the love of God") was where we left our bikes for our nude beach stroll. We were clothed. Just thought we'd clarify.

Just over the boreder of the nude beach area, Eva and Ian took another swim.

Eva is wearing bathers. We promise. However...


...these people are not. As you'll notice, they are are far enough away to be anonymous. And this is with a zoom lens...yes, we're horrible, shameless people, but we do it in the name of entertainment. That sounds very wrong...

We returned our bikes after riding the remaining length of the crescent and ambled over to the busiest part of Centre Island, in search of a sugary treat Ian told us about called a funnel cake...

Oooh! The shop approaches...or we approach the shop...


Here is the funnel cake in all its "glory"...


After consuming this (it took the three of us), we felt quite nauseous, and a little disappointed. The experience didn't live up to the expectation. Oh well.

Shayne won a crappy prize for Eva which she didn't appreciate - so we gave it to Twiggy instead. She appreciated it. Didn't she....? (Some of you may be familiar with previous crappy prizes Shayne has won for his lady love. Al the Alligator and The Mutant Fish, for example, and therefore will sympathise with Eva.)


So, that was our day at the Islands. This is feeling increasingly like show and tell...

Our last expedition to Toronto (for now) took place on Saturday 28th July, when we were taken by Twiggy and her boyfriend Sean to...

Just For Laughs.
The main feature of the evening was the comedy show we saw, which took place in a grand old hall called Massey Hall. The MC was Craig Ferguson, a very funny Scotsman who some of you may remember as the boss in The Drew Carey Show - though we don't...and Shayne liked the Drew Carey Show...

The whole line-up was excellent; the stand-outs were Russel Peters and Elvira Kurt, as well as Ferguson.
Here are all the stars walking off stage after the curtain call:


After the show we walked among the festivities in the streets outside. Police had blocked off the surrounsing area and there were many street performances, like weird people on stilts (trust us, they were):


Giant mushrooms carousing with cops (Eva had to stop herself from capturing one and taking it home):


...and pyrotechnics on fire-trucks (again, trust us, they were more impressive than this, but do you know how hard it is to get a good photo of a moving fire-truck in the dark???)


And a kind passer-by took a picture of the four of us.


Finally, we leave you with a picture of Eaton Square, the place they'd blocked off for the festival. It reminds Eva of Bladerunner.

Shayne thinks Eva's seen way too much Bladerunner. Eva says that that is because she was forced to watch it ad nauseum in year 12. Shayne thinks this is a poor excuse. We shall complete our domestic offline...

Well. That was a marathon. If you're still with us - congratulations. We will send you a postcard. Maybe.

Stay tuned (if you still care) for our adventures in Montreal, Vancouver, and the Rockies, to take place in the next two weeks.

Over and out.